1 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:08,883 - Hey, Brian, you got a sec? 2 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:10,051 - Yeah. I know what you're gonna say. 3 00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,553 It's--it's all right. 4 00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:13,388 - No, I heard you got in trouble. 5 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:14,889 I feel awful. - It's fine. 6 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,474 It was my first slipup 7 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,601 in nine years of miking you. [phone ringing] 8 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,228 - Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin. 9 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:21,896 - Well, thanks for being a good friend. 10 00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:24,274 - Sure, anytime. Uh, how about you and Jim? 11 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:26,443 Everything squared away? - Yeah. 12 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:28,194 Mostly. 13 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,572 - Pam, phone call. 14 00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:33,616 - Um, hey, say hi to Alyssa. 15 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,285 - Will do. - Okay. Thank you. 16 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,620 - Sure. 17 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,789 - Hey, boom guy. 18 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,875 - Oh, hey, Meredith. - When are you gonna boom me? 19 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,752 - Uh, listen, they're cracking down on us 20 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,170 talking to the subjects. 21 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:47,297 It's a lame rule, but, you know, I wanna-- 22 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,591 I'll see you later. - Got it. 23 00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,977 [cheerful music] 24 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:08,068 {\an8}? ? 25 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,917 {\an8}- Hey, so I hear you're bringing in some people 26 00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:26,378 {\an8}to interview for the sales job? 27 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,463 {\an8}- That's right, a couple of old friends. 28 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:31,841 {\an8}Ballers only. Must be this cool to ride. 29 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:34,511 {\an8}- Well, uh, see, you raised it. 30 00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:35,845 {\an8}- Oh, did I? 31 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:37,430 {\an8}Oh, yes, I did. 32 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,808 {\an8}Wallace is letting me hire a junior sales associate 33 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:42,268 {\an8}to sit at Jim's desk while he's away in Philly. 34 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:45,480 {\an8}Finally I'll have someone at my desk clump who gets me. 35 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,607 {\an8}It's like, "Really, Jim? 36 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:48,942 {\an8}"You don't understand the difference 37 00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:50,944 {\an8}"between a slaughterhouse and a rendering plant? 38 00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:54,531 {\an8}"Uh, remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses." 39 00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:55,949 {\an8}[scoffs] Wow. 40 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,534 {\an8}- You know what, man? I deserve this job. 41 00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:58,910 {\an8}- Mm-hmm. 42 00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:00,120 {\an8}- I scored Stone and Son suit warehouse with you, 43 00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,329 {\an8}and God knows, 44 00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:02,664 {\an8}to get the Scranton White Pages with Jan, 45 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:06,001 {\an8}I went above and beyond-- and under. 46 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,961 {\an8}- You know what? 47 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,879 {\an8}You're gonna get your interview, okay? 48 00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:11,256 {\an8}I know that you're going head-to-head 49 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:12,382 {\an8}against some real superstars, 50 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,384 {\an8}but you got a really good chance. 51 00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:16,636 {\an8}Clark has no chance. 52 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,014 {\an8}I mean, he's up against my buddy Rolf, for God's sake. 53 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,224 {\an8}Guy goes fishing with hand grenades. 54 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,018 {\an8}And Trevor-- he'll make you laugh so hard, 55 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,769 {\an8}you'll puke your pants. 56 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,187 {\an8}- This sucks, you know? 57 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,522 {\an8}You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company, 58 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:28,815 {\an8}and what do they do? 59 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,567 {\an8}They make you compete for a promotion, 60 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:31,985 {\an8}like an animal. 61 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,236 {\an8}You know, I thought this was an office, 62 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,572 {\an8}not the Thunderdome. 63 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,407 {\an8}- Now you just need a password. 64 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,992 {\an8}Needs to be six letters long, 65 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,453 {\an8}at least one capital, and a number. 66 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:44,289 {\an8}- A, B. - OK. 67 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,207 {\an8}- C, D, E, F. - OK. 68 00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,585 {\an8}- Washington, D.C. Six. 69 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,296 {\an8}Pete is helping me get a bank account online. 70 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,631 {\an8}It's official. I'm a nerd now. 71 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,009 {\an8}- So, security questions. 72 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:58,261 {\an8}What was your mother's maiden name? 73 00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,263 {\an8}- I don't know. 74 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,557 {\an8}- OK, how about 75 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,184 {\an8}what's your father's occupation? 76 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:07,020 - No clue. I don't know who my dad is. 77 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:10,106 - Oh, that's right. I'm sorry. - Mm. 78 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,108 What is the middle name of your oldest sibling? 79 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:14,194 I don't know if I had one. 80 00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:17,447 What street was your first home on? 81 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,240 Mm. - Wow. 82 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,534 They do not make these orphan-friendly, do they? 83 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,037 - Mm-mm. 84 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,289 - Big changes coming to the old desk clump. 85 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,834 No longer a Pam-Jim alliance against Dwight. 86 00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:33,546 Now it is Dwight and a friend axis against Pam. 87 00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,423 - You could've just called that an alliance too, right? 88 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,718 - I chose my words very carefully. 89 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:41,554 - Things are a little delicate with me and Pam right now. 90 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,390 And if my working in Philly 91 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,433 is gonna end up doubling the Dwight in her life, 92 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,519 that's only gonna make things worse. 93 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,354 - [sighs] 94 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,651 You interviewing for the sales job too? 95 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:56,820 - No. You're interviewing for it. 96 00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,154 I'm getting it. 97 00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,572 - Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that. 98 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,949 I mean, I've been working here 12 weeks. 99 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,992 That's a full season of "Homeland." 100 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,661 A ton of things can happen in that amount of time, 101 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:05,912 as we've seen. 102 00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:07,330 - I'm Rolf. 103 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,665 Rolf Ahl. 104 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,375 - Rolf Ahl? 105 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:12,168 Sounds kind of like Roald Dahl. 106 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,336 - Go to hell. 107 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:14,921 - There he is. 108 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:16,256 - Hey. - Come on, buddy. 109 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,717 Let's do this. Sorry, Rolf goes first. 110 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,176 You don't compare. 111 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,845 When you're with the R-O-L-F, 112 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:25,015 you're literally rolling on the laughing floor. 113 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,516 - [laughs] Nice. 114 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:29,060 - Rolf is my best friend, 115 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,396 and he is the man. 116 00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:34,107 Cool, calm, and collected 24/7. 117 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,568 Just try and rattle Rolf. I dare you. 118 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,695 Such a sweet guy. 119 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,113 - When are you talking to David Wallace? 120 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,281 - I'm talking to him this afternoon, 121 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:42,365 but don't get your hopes up. 122 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,825 - Too late. My hopes are up. 123 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:44,993 - Last week, my company in Philly 124 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,494 lost a big investor, 125 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,079 so we're scrambling to find new funding. 126 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:50,540 Luckily, my partners have a fix-- 127 00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:53,376 me asking the boss of the company I'm abandoning 128 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:56,171 to give us a gigantic influx of cash. 129 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:58,965 So, problem solved. 130 00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,550 Thanks, guys. 131 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,093 - And this chair's gonna be yours. 132 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,470 And this desk. Ha! 133 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:04,554 - I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone. 134 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,639 - No doy! 135 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,850 - I'm just gonna call you back. Thanks. 136 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,602 [Dwight knocking on desk] 137 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,645 - I hope you like Norwegian black metal, 138 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,647 because I don't do earbuds. 139 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,858 - [laughs] No earbuds! 140 00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:20,278 [both laugh] 141 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,571 - I'm sure he's just nervous. 142 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,865 - [sighs] It's fine. 143 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,701 It's just a seating arrangement. Doesn't matter. 144 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,706 - So I've got your resume here, 145 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,917 but it's not telling me everything. 146 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,418 - Well, a lot of that information is private. 147 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,796 How do I know you're qualified to evaluate me? 148 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,381 - Well, I'm the one offering the job. 149 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:40,465 - What are your credentials? 150 00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,342 - I've worked here for 12 years. 151 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,510 I won salesman of the year. 152 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,886 I'm an assistant to the regional manager. 153 00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,388 - I think I've heard everything I need to hear. 154 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,139 - Wait, wait, wait, no, I mean, if you need to know more, 155 00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:50,183 you can call David Wallace. I'm sure he'd give a reference. 156 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,394 - Thank you, Dwight. I'll be in touch. 157 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,107 - Well, they can't all be winners. 158 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,526 But Trevor's next, and he's a real professional. 159 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,862 You say, "Jump," and he says, "On who?" 160 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:06,324 He loves to jump on people, that Trevor. 161 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,493 And how long-- - I'm--I'm just gonna-- 162 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,081 I hate to have my back to that man. 163 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,125 I did try to shatter his kneecaps. 164 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,419 - Understandable. 165 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:20,463 What makes you think you'd be an effective paper salesman? 166 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,549 - Ooh, okay. 167 00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:24,801 Didn't see that one coming. 168 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,052 Can I take a 20 on that? 169 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,054 Maybe we can circle back around to it. 170 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,514 - Well, it's a pretty basic question 171 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,266 for a potential paper salesman. 172 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,393 - Pass. Next one. 173 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,811 - All right. 174 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,688 Do you see yourself as more of a team player 175 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,106 or a self-starter? 176 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:41,026 - No, no, and no. 177 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,903 - There were only two options. 178 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,114 - Checkmate. 179 00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:48,992 You win this one, my friend. 180 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:52,203 Do you validate parking? 181 00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,913 - This is a bus transfer. 182 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,875 - [chuckles] Nothing gets by this guy. 183 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,546 - Hey, Jim, do you mind 184 00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,298 if I look over these price sheets before my interview? 185 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,633 - Sure, yeah, go ahead. - Thanks, dude. 186 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,183 You--you sure it's okay? 'Cause you're kind of-- 187 00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:14,684 - Yeah, absolutely. 188 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,686 Do people like sitting next to you? 189 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:17,937 You're clean, right? 190 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:19,898 - Oh, Dove Men. - Nice. 191 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:23,068 Music. Do you listen to it in earbuds? 192 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,362 You don't listen to it at all because we're at work, 193 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,447 not a Florence and the Machine concert, so-- 194 00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:31,034 - Yeah, could I just have a minute to prepare for this? 195 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,535 - Sure, yeah. Do whatever you need to do. 196 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:33,953 - Thanks, dude. 197 00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:37,499 - Right after you do one thing for me. 198 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,167 I need you to breathe in my face. 199 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,627 - Why? 200 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,380 - I need you to breathe in my face right now. 201 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,090 - [exhales] 202 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,092 - What are we working with, peppermint or wintergreen? 203 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:49,844 - Wintergreen. Yeah. - I knew it, I knew it. 204 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,054 - Good nose. - I looked at you coming around, 205 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,681 and I said, "wintergreen." 206 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,015 - I can't hire Clark. 207 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,642 Yeah, he looks like a Schrute, 208 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,435 but he thinks like a Halpert 209 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,979 and he acts like a Beesly. 210 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,523 - So we're just looking for answers. 211 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,566 - To the security questions. 212 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,111 I'm not, like, looking for answers to life. 213 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,697 [laughs] I don't smoke dope. 214 00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,323 I just know that you had a baby in Scranton 215 00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:12,617 around the same time I was born. 216 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,786 - Yes, I guess we could've been in the maternity ward 217 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,454 at the same time, yeah. 218 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:19,374 I gave up a baby years ago who's exactly the same age 219 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:23,253 as Erin, but we did the test, and it wasn't her. 220 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,046 I try not to think about those days. 221 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,548 It was a difficult time. 222 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,800 Giving up a baby is so hard. 223 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:33,054 And the food they give you in the maternity ward is a joke. 224 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:35,974 You know what? My mother videotaped the birth, 225 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,934 and I'm pretty sure there's footage of other babies 226 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:40,353 in the nursery. 227 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:43,982 - You kept a birthing video of a baby you gave away? 228 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,568 - It's the best record of my young body. 229 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,111 - You were pregnant. 230 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,988 - Yep. My boobs were amazing. 231 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,617 - [softly] I looked. 232 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,244 - Okay, here's one. 233 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,455 A customer who ordered enough paper to qualify 234 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:01,124 for a volume discount now wants to return half the stock. 235 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,834 You can't rebate the sales price, 236 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,378 or credit for future purchases 237 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,923 because you brokered the deal for a third party. 238 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,759 - That's just a classic no-win situation. 239 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,053 - Thank you. - So I'd Kobayashi Maru it. 240 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:16,222 - Damn it! Perfect answer, again. 241 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:18,433 - Yep. - Think, Dwight, think. 242 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,185 You have a ream of 16-bond... 243 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,603 - You know what, Dwight? - And anoth-- 244 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,314 - This interview's over, and I get the job. 245 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,400 I just Kobayashi Maru'd the whole process. 246 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,235 - No. - Yeah. 247 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,320 "Star Trek" rules. 248 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,489 - It does, but still no. 249 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,282 - Come on, man. I mean, did Trevor do that? 250 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,201 Did Rolf do that? 251 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,994 - Oh, you think they're my only friends? 252 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,704 I've got way more friends than that, 253 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,790 and they're all better than the losers who work here. 254 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,751 [indistinct chatter] 255 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:53,802 - This is not natural. 256 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,600 - Just--I don't wanna make assumptions 257 00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,185 based on people's physical appearances. 258 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,853 - Of course not, but does physical appearance 259 00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:05,021 include smell? 260 00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,815 - They smell so bad. 261 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,317 - If I ever get that bad, you'd tell me, right? 262 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,319 - Meredith, I tell you all the time. 263 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:14,948 - [chuckles] Walked right into that one. 264 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,991 - Next up, my cousin Mose. 265 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,244 Mose could make a great paper salesman. 266 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,704 He's got a natural fear of paper, 267 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,205 which would motivate him to get as much of it 268 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,707 out of this office as possible. 269 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,418 I've got big expectations, Mose-wise. 270 00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:29,045 What quality would make you a good sales associate? 271 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,714 - People person. 272 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,882 - It says here on your resume that you spent 273 00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,719 the last 15 years as a sales rep for Dow Chemical. 274 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,012 - That's right. 275 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,555 - You know we live together, right? 276 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,432 - Yes. - And I've never seen you 277 00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:42,600 go to work, ever. 278 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:43,810 - Okay. 279 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:46,187 - So why is this on your resume? 280 00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:52,360 [door slams] 281 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:09,252 - Rolf, Trevor, and Mose weren't perfect. 282 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,545 On the bright side, 283 00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,630 I still have my childhood babysitter to interview. 284 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,466 And if we can steer the conversation towards 285 00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:17,427 the number for poison control, I think we'll be in great shape. 286 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:22,265 I was poisoned a lot as a child by my childhood babysitter. 287 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,851 - So how'd you guys hear about the position? 288 00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:26,728 - My--my mom. 289 00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,646 Dwight called my house, but he didn't realize 290 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,523 that I had already moved out, 291 00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,525 because my mom and I are quarrelling 292 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:35,236 because I-I can't stay out of her stuff. 293 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,821 - Dwight's my cousin, 294 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,490 so I overhead him telling my brother Mose 295 00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:40,950 about the job opportunity in the shower. 296 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,827 - You were in the shower or he was in the shower? 297 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,412 - Everyone was in the shower. 298 00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:45,789 It's a cow shower, so there's, like, 299 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,208 a ton of people in there. 300 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,542 - So you guys all know Dwight already? 301 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,711 - Uh, you get to know someone pretty well 302 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,005 when you share sleeping quarters at both GalactiCon 303 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:56,091 and Battlestar Operation. 304 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,842 - I was his babysitter, 305 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,178 and then we dated for a while. 306 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:03,765 He was a passionate lover and the sweetest little baby. 307 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,267 [chuckles] - I knew you looked familiar. 308 00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:07,977 You used to pick up Dwight from school. 309 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:10,313 - You went to X-Men School too? 310 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,690 [exhales] 311 00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,316 - X-Men School? 312 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,110 - When I was young, I spent several years 313 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:17,487 at a private school where I was told 314 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,781 I would be taught to harness my mutant abilities. 315 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,533 Turned out it was a conman 316 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:24,452 copying Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters 317 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,496 from the X-Men comic books. 318 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,958 Took me years to figure out that it was con. 319 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:32,335 Some people never figured it out. 320 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:33,920 - Oh, I have a few powers. 321 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,213 Night hearing. 322 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,298 Dogs understand where I point. 323 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,384 And our training included picking carrots, 324 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:43,138 scrubbing tubs, sewing imitation Levi's. 325 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,306 A lot of telemarketing. 326 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,517 Stitching together shredded documents. 327 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:48,810 Hauling manure. 328 00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,520 - So everybody had special powers? 329 00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,647 - One kid could do math in his head. 330 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,899 One kid could cry on command. 331 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,027 One kid could cry all the time. 332 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,696 One kid could tell if there are peanuts in something 333 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,740 just by tasting it and almost dying. 334 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,075 And there was this one girl that could make your penis erect 335 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,827 just by standing near you. 336 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,000 - I don't wanna sit near any of those people 337 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,501 for the next 20 years. 338 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:14,961 Someone say something. 339 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,338 - I said something when they were 340 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:17,422 thinking of hiring Jim. 341 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:18,506 Didn't work then. 342 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,884 And now look what he's doing to us. 343 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,427 - Yeah, Jim, this is all your fault. 344 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,511 - How is it my fault? 345 00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:25,347 - Here's an exercise for you, Jim. 346 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,433 Imagine there are consequences to your actions. 347 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:32,437 Imagine the whole world does not revolve around this. 348 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,105 There are others. 349 00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,524 - But it's Dwight who's bringing in all the weirdos. 350 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,318 - Yeah, but, Jim, Dwight's a weirdo. 351 00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,737 We can't blame a weirdo for bringing in weirdos. 352 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,947 We can blame a normal for creating a situation 353 00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:45,200 where a weirdo was allowed to bring in weirdos. 354 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,701 - Hey, I'm the one who has to sit 355 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,079 next to this weirdo when Jim's away. 356 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,955 I'm in a position where I'm rooting for Nate, 357 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:54,626 and that just feels wrong. 358 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,003 [sighs] Forget it. 359 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:59,214 I need to work on my mural. 360 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,966 I have some pointy trees that I need to round off. 361 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,600 - Don't take my picture. [camera shutters clicking] 362 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,143 - Don't take my picture. 363 00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,812 - I have pictures of all of you 364 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,480 and I'm not deleting them until you delete my picture. 365 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:18,191 - Nice try, but I've taken mental pictures. 366 00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:22,320 Can't delete those except with a rare Earth magnet. 367 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:24,239 - [sighs] 368 00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:28,451 - Hey, Jim, I thought our call was for later. 369 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,121 - Yeah, this is actually about the new sales guy. 370 00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:33,665 Dwight has brought in a bunch of real weirdos. 371 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,583 And I was wondering if I could have some input-- 372 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,919 - This is Dwight Schrute. Who am I speaking to? 373 00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,421 And don't lie. I can tell if you're lying. 374 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:40,964 - Hey, Dwight. It's David. - David. 375 00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:44,509 - Jim says he'd like some say in the hiring process. 376 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,761 - Really? That's interesting. 377 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:50,181 'cause I was thinking that since Jim is only here part-time, 378 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,684 he might not be as invested in the decision-making process 379 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,602 as someone like me who's here every day 380 00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,146 and, frankly, killing it lately. 381 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,772 - I was just thinking that because this person 382 00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,525 is gonna be sitting at my desk, near my wife-- 383 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,569 - Jim, another thing. Since we are gonna have to 384 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:05,155 hire this junior sales associate to cover for you, 385 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,698 I am going to have to pay you 386 00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,993 only for the days that you actually work. 387 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:13,038 - Oh. Um-- - Yeah. 388 00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,582 - Okay. I can't say that that's not fair. 389 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,083 - Sounds fair to me, David. 390 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,793 - And I know we have a call scheduled for later-- 391 00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:20,128 - Oh, yeah, so we'll just do that later. 392 00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:21,629 - No. Why not do it now? 393 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,923 - Yeah. What's up, Jim? 394 00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:25,550 - Uh-- [clears throat] 395 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,969 Well, it's about Athlead. 396 00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:29,179 I'm sorry. Does Dwight have to be 397 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:30,305 on this part of the phone call? 398 00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,723 - I'd love to be in the loop, David. 399 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,642 - It's okay. Go ahead, Jim. 400 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,811 - There's a very exciting opportunity 401 00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,813 to be a core investor-- - Okay. 402 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,190 Jim, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. 403 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:43,443 - Yes, okay. Bye. 404 00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:48,198 - [whispers] I'd love to invest. - No, thanks. 405 00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:50,617 - I'd like to give you $100 million. 406 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,077 [snickers] 407 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,080 [phone ringing] 408 00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:01,961 [Phyllis groaning and ohhing on TV] 409 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,672 - How long does this go on? 410 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,383 - I was in labor for 56 hours. 411 00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:07,801 - Hey, guys. 412 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:10,053 What-- [Phyllis growling on TV] 413 00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:11,721 That is sick. 414 00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:13,556 This is a workplace. 415 00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:14,683 That is sick! 416 00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:16,226 Those people are sick! 417 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,353 This is a workplace! 418 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,355 This is a workplace! 419 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,693 - Why you make trees into bushes? 420 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:27,195 You don't make paper from bushes. 421 00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,614 - Hide, they're giving out jobs upstairs. 422 00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,700 Why don't you go up and get one? 423 00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,576 - Thank you. 424 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,161 - Yeah. 425 00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:46,047 - [slurpy inhale] 426 00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:48,091 - [softly] Ugh. 427 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,343 - [blows softly] 428 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,556 [gulps and exhales] 429 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,600 [hand dryer whirring] 430 00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:00,020 - Whoops. 431 00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:10,989 - It's dense, like bread. 432 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,575 [chip crunches] 433 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,253 - [sighs] 434 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,756 - Wow. 435 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,675 You should eat it with a bowl like Snap, Crackle and Pop. 436 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,219 - I just need to take my vitamins, sir. 437 00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,518 - Mm. All right. 438 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:43,521 [babies cooing] 439 00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:50,570 - [gasps] Oh, my goodness. 440 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:56,451 - Do you think that's me? 441 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,661 - I... - [chuckles] 442 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,539 My real name is St. Margaret? 443 00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:04,000 I must've been a super religious baby. 444 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,669 - No, silly, that must've have been 445 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,253 the church you were given to. 446 00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:08,421 Maybe you're from the neighborhood 447 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,090 around St. Margaret. 448 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,549 - Oh. 449 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,842 - What's that neighborhood like? 450 00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,011 - I don't know. 451 00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,430 - Oh, I mean, that probably isn't even really me. 452 00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,057 It's fun to imagine, but... 453 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,308 - [high-pitched voice] Hello, this is Dunder Mifflin. 454 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,977 Goo-goo, wah-wah. Please hold. 455 00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:24,312 - [laughs] 456 00:18:24,396 --> 00:18:27,565 - That is so you-- the hair, the cheeks. 457 00:18:27,691 --> 00:18:29,067 I think she's even wearing the same outfit. 458 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,695 - [laughs] She's-- 459 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,198 - Hey, let's go check out that neighborhood. 460 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:36,825 - Dwight, you can't just hire someone 461 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,785 'cause they're your friend. - I'm not. 462 00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:40,537 These people are the best of the best. 463 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,706 I find talent an attractive quality in a friend. 464 00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:44,290 - They're freaks, Dwight. 465 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,876 All your friends are weirdos and freaks. 466 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,461 - You know who else was a freak? 467 00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,255 Spider-Man. 468 00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:51,881 And he was also a hero. 469 00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,842 - Your friends are like Spider-Man, 470 00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:55,760 if he had gotten bitten by a spider 471 00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:58,888 and then got really into masturbating. 472 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,100 - My friends are not freaks... 473 00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:04,019 with the possible exception of Gabor, 474 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,146 who was apparently the source material 475 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:08,815 for an episode of "Fringe." 476 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:10,775 - Man, how cool is it gonna be when I start working here? 477 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,193 Paintball fights at lunch. 478 00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,987 - Mandatory paintball. 479 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,488 Uh, Wolf, please report to the parking lot 480 00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:17,157 for mandatory paintball at lunch. 481 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,658 Wolf is hilarious. 482 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,076 He has executed me over 100 times 483 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,619 at point-blank range. 484 00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:23,371 Half of 'em, we were on the same team. 485 00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:26,082 Oh, my God. How I screamed. 486 00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,500 Ah, that goof. 487 00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:30,837 Sell me this piece of paper. 488 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:31,921 Watch this. 489 00:19:32,047 --> 00:19:33,173 - Do you want this paper? 490 00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,382 - I sure do. 491 00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:36,384 - It's not very good. 492 00:19:36,468 --> 00:19:37,969 - I will pay you whatever it takes. 493 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,721 - I think I wanna keep it now. 494 00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:41,765 It must be pretty special if you want it so bad. 495 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,058 - No, you have lots of other pieces of paper 496 00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:44,225 that are just like it. 497 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:45,393 So here, just take my money. 498 00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:46,478 - Stop trying to get my paper, buddy. 499 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:47,854 Okay, read my lips. It's over. 500 00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:49,439 - Okay, good. 501 00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:50,357 That was great. 502 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,484 So, wow. 503 00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:53,777 You're still at the 570 number? 504 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,236 - I am. - Okay. 505 00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:56,946 Good, good, good. 506 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,990 [sighs] 507 00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:02,827 - I have eight years' experience selling electronics 508 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:05,955 in Sanyo store, downtown Tokyo. 509 00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,457 I was a doctor, 510 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:12,712 and I have a business degree from Tokyo University. 511 00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:15,256 - This isn't gonna work out. 512 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,219 - Thank you. [chuckles] 513 00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:26,184 - Nate is a proven entity, but not without his handicaps: 514 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,812 hearing, vision, basic cognition. 515 00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:32,023 Trevor is great, but I saw no fire in him today. 516 00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,359 And this is a guy who loves to start fires. 517 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,903 Troy is literally one of a kind. 518 00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,571 He's a goblin, or a hobbit, 519 00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:41,116 or a kobold, which is a type of gremlin. 520 00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:43,284 And yet I'm hesitant. 521 00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:46,037 Why I can't I pull the trigger on any of them? 522 00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:49,708 [groaning] No, no, no. 523 00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:51,793 I just need to tell them. 524 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,712 I just need to tell them. 525 00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:56,756 [knock at door] 526 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,883 - Do you need to be changed? 527 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,593 - I do that myself now. 528 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:01,928 - Mm. 529 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,888 Are you going to make a decision soon? 530 00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:05,682 I've been double-parked for five hours. 531 00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:07,559 I'm wondering if I should move my car. 532 00:21:07,642 --> 00:21:09,394 - No, you've been towed by now. 533 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,980 They tow after about 45 minutes. 534 00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:13,440 - Well, the joke's on them. 535 00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:15,525 I live right next to the tow yard. 536 00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:18,820 All they did was save me some gas. 537 00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,905 - Hey, man, we get how difficult this is. 538 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,532 And no matter who you choose, 539 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:23,700 we're still gonna be your friend. 540 00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,368 - Yeah, whether it's me or Troy Underbridge, 541 00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:27,078 or Gabor, or Melvina-- 542 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,747 - Or none of you. [chuckles] 543 00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:30,206 - Yeah. You'd bring us all down here, 544 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,583 put us through the wringer, and then choose none of us. 545 00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,543 - Can you imagine how insulting that would be? 546 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,628 The contempt that a person like that 547 00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:37,714 would have to have for you. 548 00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:39,674 - I wish I could hire all of you. 549 00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,302 - I could start Monday. 550 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,975 - Psst. Jim. 551 00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:51,561 Jim? 552 00:21:51,686 --> 00:21:54,147 Jim, turn around. 553 00:21:54,272 --> 00:21:55,982 Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around. 554 00:21:56,107 --> 00:21:59,152 - Aah, I love staring off in one direction. 555 00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,237 If I'm not looking south, I'm not livin'. 556 00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:03,531 That's what I always say. 557 00:22:05,283 --> 00:22:07,744 - Just act natural. 558 00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:10,538 [grunts] 559 00:22:14,626 --> 00:22:17,087 And I was thinking it's only fair 560 00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:18,755 that you help make this decision 561 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,133 since they'll be sitting at your desk, next to your wife. 562 00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:23,718 - But you know I wouldn't hire any of these all-stars. 563 00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:25,595 - Aah! 564 00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:28,306 God, that sucks! Aah! 565 00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:29,432 What are you gonna do? 566 00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:31,434 I mean, it's your call. - Nope. 567 00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,269 Your friends not turning out to be as great as you thought? 568 00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:34,854 Not even Gabor? 569 00:22:34,896 --> 00:22:36,147 - I guess I just have higher standards 570 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:38,817 for my work colleagues than for my friends. 571 00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:40,485 I just couldn't picture any of them 572 00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:41,861 in the old gold and gray. 573 00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:43,238 - I knew it. 574 00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:44,823 You designed a uniform for Dunder Mifflin. 575 00:22:44,906 --> 00:22:48,451 - Summer. Winter. 576 00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:50,453 Jungle. 577 00:22:50,578 --> 00:22:52,288 Formal. 578 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:55,166 - Well, I, for one, was amazed at how qualified everyone was. 579 00:22:55,208 --> 00:22:57,460 You? Amazed. - Yes. Thank you. Yes. 580 00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,295 - And I gotta say, this was a tough decision. 581 00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:02,966 And we had to go with none of you. 582 00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:05,093 - I'm sorry? - What? 583 00:23:05,176 --> 00:23:07,762 This is such bullcrap! 584 00:23:07,804 --> 00:23:09,347 - Well, you know, Wallace put me in charge, 585 00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:10,515 so you have no say. 586 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,809 - Wow! So much crap. 587 00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:15,186 It's just a load of B.C. 588 00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:17,564 How could you do this to them? 589 00:23:17,689 --> 00:23:19,107 - Too much now. - Okay. 590 00:23:19,232 --> 00:23:21,943 - Do we get our resumes back, or do you keep them? 591 00:23:22,027 --> 00:23:23,611 Because I only have the one, 592 00:23:23,737 --> 00:23:26,197 and I have a chili recipe on the back 593 00:23:26,239 --> 00:23:27,741 that I really wanna keep. 594 00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:29,826 - Okay, this is an outrage. 595 00:23:29,868 --> 00:23:31,870 Ugh! You know what? 596 00:23:31,953 --> 00:23:33,663 This is Jim Halpert's home address, 597 00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:35,957 in case you guys wanna toilet paper his house or whatever. 598 00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:37,792 - That seems inconsiderate. 599 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:40,420 - No. We get it. 600 00:23:40,503 --> 00:23:43,173 Thanks so much for the opportunity, Dwight. 601 00:23:43,214 --> 00:23:45,842 Don't open any suspicious packages you may receive. 602 00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:47,635 No, wait. Do open them. 603 00:23:47,719 --> 00:23:49,763 Totally safe. 604 00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:51,765 - Guys, it wasn't up to me. 605 00:23:51,806 --> 00:23:54,642 Rolf, come on. Guys, it--it wasn't my choice! 606 00:23:54,726 --> 00:23:56,144 I would've hired all of you! 607 00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:58,229 Gabor, Gabor. 608 00:23:58,271 --> 00:23:59,814 - Well, my day's shot. 609 00:23:59,898 --> 00:24:01,107 - Yeah, it's that weird hour where it's too late 610 00:24:01,149 --> 00:24:02,817 to start a slow roast and too early for a Swanson's. 611 00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,487 - I got it. Paintball. 612 00:24:05,570 --> 00:24:07,655 - Oh, that sounds awesome. Can we wait till I get off work? 613 00:24:07,739 --> 00:24:09,824 - [yells] And what are we supposed to do until then? 614 00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:11,659 - Okay. - Let's just go, you guys. 615 00:24:11,785 --> 00:24:14,621 - Yeah. No limit on weapons class, right? 616 00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:22,837 - All right. I think that went well. 617 00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:29,302 - It's a good street. 618 00:24:29,386 --> 00:24:31,846 - Good street? This is a great street. 619 00:24:31,971 --> 00:24:33,848 You got trees. 620 00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:35,892 - Amazing trees. 621 00:24:36,017 --> 00:24:37,352 Mailboxes. 622 00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:39,771 - Oh, on this street, you're getting your mail. 623 00:24:39,813 --> 00:24:41,523 - I don't know though. 624 00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:44,067 The card just said St. Margaret's. 625 00:24:44,192 --> 00:24:45,902 I'll probably never know. 626 00:24:46,027 --> 00:24:50,281 - Hey. You came from somewhere. 627 00:24:50,365 --> 00:24:53,785 - Yeah. - And from what I know of you, 628 00:24:53,827 --> 00:24:56,454 it was a place like this. 629 00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:00,542 - There is no trash on this street. 630 00:25:00,667 --> 00:25:01,876 - Right? 631 00:25:02,002 --> 00:25:03,628 - So, uh, if you just take a look at this, 632 00:25:03,753 --> 00:25:05,463 and then that'll print out--hey. 633 00:25:05,505 --> 00:25:06,798 Meet your new desk mate. 634 00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:08,842 - What's up, good-lookin'? - Oh, cool. 635 00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:10,593 Hey, Clark. 636 00:25:10,719 --> 00:25:12,595 - Trust me, this is the least of all evils. 637 00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:14,472 It took me all day to pull this off, 638 00:25:14,556 --> 00:25:16,099 so you should be thrilled, considering. 639 00:25:16,141 --> 00:25:17,851 - Yeah, I guess. 640 00:25:17,976 --> 00:25:20,603 I mean, I kind of liked my old desk mate. 641 00:25:20,729 --> 00:25:22,605 - Okay. 642 00:25:22,689 --> 00:25:23,898 I'm really sorry I told the guys 643 00:25:23,982 --> 00:25:25,775 I'd be there for the board meeting. 644 00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:26,735 - Of course. 645 00:25:26,818 --> 00:25:27,652 - I'll call you when I get there. 646 00:25:27,736 --> 00:25:28,987 - All right. Bye. 647 00:25:29,029 --> 00:25:29,946 - All right. Take care of my wife. 648 00:25:30,071 --> 00:25:31,114 I will be back. 649 00:25:31,239 --> 00:25:33,033 [computer chimes] 650 00:25:41,166 --> 00:25:42,834 - They say that everyone outgrows their friends 651 00:25:42,876 --> 00:25:44,627 at some point in their lives. 652 00:25:44,711 --> 00:25:50,091 Well, I just outgrew them all in the span of three hours. 653 00:25:50,216 --> 00:25:51,509 - Hey, Pam, I'm going to the kitchen. 654 00:25:51,593 --> 00:25:53,011 You want anything? - I'm good. 655 00:25:53,053 --> 00:25:54,763 - Oh, hey, I'll take a coffee. 656 00:25:54,888 --> 00:25:56,097 - Oh, I'm sorry. 657 00:25:56,181 --> 00:25:58,850 You gotta be this cool for coffee. 658 00:26:04,481 --> 00:26:06,107 - [scoffs] 659 00:26:08,193 --> 00:26:09,652 - Hey, Dwight. 660 00:26:09,778 --> 00:26:12,072 Wanna haze the new guy? 661 00:26:12,155 --> 00:26:13,281 - Who, me? 662 00:26:13,406 --> 00:26:15,825 - Us. 663 00:26:15,867 --> 00:26:17,619 - Absolutely, I do. 664 00:26:17,702 --> 00:26:19,788 - [giggles] Okay. 665 00:26:19,871 --> 00:26:22,999 Okay, here. 666 00:26:23,124 --> 00:26:25,752 Okay, so the next time he goes to the bathroom, 667 00:26:25,877 --> 00:26:27,504 I'll distract him, you take that. 668 00:26:27,545 --> 00:26:28,713 - Okay, yeah, I know what to do. 669 00:26:28,838 --> 00:26:30,256 - Okay. Yeah. - Okay. Oh, that's great. 670 00:26:30,382 --> 00:26:31,841 - [shushes] 671 00:26:31,966 --> 00:26:34,302 - [laughs] 672 00:26:38,473 --> 00:26:39,974 - Aah! - No! 673 00:26:40,058 --> 00:26:41,976 - Welcome to the club, pig! [laughs] 674 00:26:42,102 --> 00:26:43,353 - No, Dwight! 675 00:26:43,436 --> 00:26:45,855 - [laughing] - Aah! 676 00:26:45,939 --> 00:26:47,190 - No, it does matter who ends up 677 00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:49,317 sitting next to Pam when I'm gone. 678 00:26:49,442 --> 00:26:50,944 The people around you are basically 679 00:26:51,027 --> 00:26:53,154 who you end up spending your life with. 680 00:26:53,196 --> 00:26:55,115 I mean, because of where my desk was, 681 00:26:55,198 --> 00:26:56,991 I spent all those years looking at Pam, 682 00:26:57,075 --> 00:26:58,368 and I fell in love. 683 00:26:58,493 --> 00:27:00,537 So, that stuff matters. 684 00:27:00,662 --> 00:27:02,789 Definitely does. 685 00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:09,129 [paintball guns clicking] 686 00:27:09,254 --> 00:27:10,547 - Please, I don't know where 687 00:27:10,630 --> 00:27:12,424 my teammates are or what we're doing. 688 00:27:12,549 --> 00:27:14,551 Is this a game? Am I having fun? 689 00:27:14,676 --> 00:27:16,344 - He doesn't need to tell us what he's thinking 690 00:27:16,428 --> 00:27:18,513 'cause I can read his mind. 691 00:27:20,682 --> 00:27:22,642 It helps if you kind of mouth what you're thinking. 692 00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:24,978 - Hey, guys, there's a creek over there, 693 00:27:25,103 --> 00:27:28,023 and, well, I almost drowned. 694 00:27:28,106 --> 00:27:29,733 [paintball gun clicks] Aah, Wolf! 695 00:27:29,858 --> 00:27:31,443 I'm on your team. 696 00:27:31,568 --> 00:27:32,944 - [grunts] Wolf! 697 00:27:33,069 --> 00:27:36,698 - Wolf Man's gone rogue, and now, you die. 698 00:27:36,781 --> 00:27:39,743 - [laughing] Okay, I'll tell everyone everything. 699 00:27:39,826 --> 00:27:42,454 The hobbit and the old woman are hiding in the porta-potty. 700 00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:45,331 [paintball gun clicks] 701 00:27:45,415 --> 00:27:46,958 - Damn it! 702 00:27:47,008 --> 00:27:51,558 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0